06.30.08

grace

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:20 am by Anne

stargazing

Originally uploaded by Dux

So I’m trying out a new concept. An aunt of mine. A very special person, and a fountain of knowledge, recently made this comment to Shan. And he passed it along to me.

She said,” Being rich doesn’t make you happy. It allows you to do more things, but it doesn’t make you happy.”

When combined with notions from a book I am reading (with the rest of the free world, thank you Oprah), the utterly ridiuclous ways people try (and fail) to identify themselves, their innermost substance, to objects through the constant purchase of new and more things…it is sinking in. For how long I don’t know but I am going to commit it to my nature. So that it becomes a part of me. Because, damn. Sometimes the trappings of all this, really just amounts to petty bullshit.

Operation get happy is counting down.

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06.29.08

I just have to know.

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:02 am by Anne

Ya’ll know I am a transplant to this great state but what gives?

Two things:

1. What I call beef soup, they call beef stew.

2. What I call blackberry pie, they call blackberry cobbler.

Shan told me I couldn’t possibly understand since I wasn’t born here. Damn. I say tomato.

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06.26.08

word power

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:27 pm by Anne

At Piper’s last doctor’s visit, the 15 month well-check, the doctor asked how many words she knew. “Oh, seven or eight words…”I said, mentally checking off mama, daddy, dog, up, more, stop, beebee(baby), no, and uh-oh. He smiled and commented that she was above the average of (for a change!) four to five words for that age bracket.

Now I can add: emma, nana(banana), dee-dee(juice) and thanks to her father’s recent demonstration, now “peepee”.

“She just walked in on me!” he exclaimed, but we are both impressed that she figured out what he was doing from the standing position. Lord knows how many times she’s found me perched on the toilet doing that business.

rocket scientist. Piper the Rocket scientist.

Yes, folks, we knew from an early age that she’d go far.

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06.25.08

not so smooth

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:20 pm by Anne

Shan comes home this afternoon and makes a smoothie for everyone. The sick and not so sick alike all enjoy one of these cool, fruity drinks. He throws in two kinds of yogurt, a frozen banana, frozen blueberries, a splash of applejuice, a squeeze of honey, and a couple of those lactinex packets we are sprinkling over everything lately. And *boom*, everyone is happy, everyone is drinking. Then he leaves again, just as quickly as he came home.

“Mommy!” begins Emma. “I want more smoothie!” I would like to note here that when relating whatever Emma says, I should use all caps because the concept of an indoor voice is beyond her, but I don’t because I don’t want to offend anyone here with unwarranted screaming.

Ok. i can make a dadgum smoothie just as well Daddy. Heck, I was making smoothies before he ever started drinking them. So I be-bop over to the blender, spin it all up, pour it into glasses and redistribute.

“EW!!” exclaims Emma. “I don’t like it!
Meanwhile Lily’s face crumples like a 5 dollar bill….a grimace spreads across her pallid face and she mutters, “I don’t like it either.”

Oh well. At least Piper still likes it. Right Piper? Right?

Damn.

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another day another mop bucket

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:24 pm by Anne

pipZ and ladR

Originally uploaded by Dux

Our family is precariously sititing at the top of this rotovirus infection. Tomorrow I’ll have suffered it for 8 days, and if it follows convention, will be back to normal soon thereafter. Emma seems well enough, Piper is accustomed to portraying ’slimeback mountain’ in her diapers, and Lily was great until just a few minutes ago when she stood up and vomited so severely against the bathroom door that I was both concerned for her and the paint job.

“I’m sorry Mommy.”

So to all you rotoviruses out there, just go to hell. My family is done with you.

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06.24.08

on second thought

Posted in Uncategorized at 3:12 pm by Anne

Everyone seemed to be doing well last night. The girls were allowed to attend VacationBibleSchool and their Dad picked them up afterwards. He called to say he was taking them out for icecream.

Yes, I see you cringing. Why didn’t I cringe and beg him to just come straight home,do-not-pass-GO-do-not-collect-$200.00? Wait, don’t answer that.

So they come home. All excited and smiling. We head to the bathroom to brush teeth and put on jammies, when Lily suddenly lurches and exclaims, “I’m going to THROW UP!” She staggers a few steps to the toilet and blows rainbow-colored chunks all over 1)the toilet, 2) the trashcan, 3) Shan’s book, and predominantly of course 4) the floor.

Yeah, I got to clean that up real good.

Emma went to bed saying “My tummy hurts.” I reminded her where the bathroom was, showed her the nightlight, explained the virtues of lifting both lids on the toilet, and then reassured her that afterwards she could “Come wake up Mommy and Daddy.” She did fine through the night.

We all got up this morning, converged in the kitchen to determine breakfast, when Emma slumped to the floor in the living room and cried “I hafta THROW UP!” She looked like a little kitten dressed in a nightgown, sitting on the floor, hitching her breath in and then spitting out a garbled mess of stanky stomach contents.

“A little help!” I cried to Shan, hoping he’d prevent Piper from walking into the slime as I once again had to get down and dirty in cleaning up more putrescence. And he did. So I did.

As such I’ve issued a moratorium on the flagrant and ignorant consumption of any and all dairy products until further notice.

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06.23.08

crappiest weekend ever!

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:27 am by Anne

Literally.

I came down with a bizarre stomach ache thursday night. Woke up at midnight convinced that forcing myself to purge would be a good idea. Barfed my guts out into the girls’ bathroom. Went back to bed in grievous pain and basically spent the rest of the weekend in various states of illease and gut-wrenching squirty-bottom.

It took a day or two for me to actually believe it was a virus. Until yesterday morning when Lily threw up all over the rug by the garage. “Anne!” Shan called out. “I need you to watch Piper so I can clean up Lily’s puke!” Okayyyy. So I trundled over, clutching my achy stomach and whisked Pipez away upstairs. Emma and Piper played and I laid back in bed.

Then Emma announced, “Mommy, I have to to potty.” and walked off. Moments later I hear something splashing on the tile floor. “Mommy!” sings out my middle child, “I went diarrhea on the floor!”

Oh. Good. God.

So I call downstairs,(because turnabout it fair play)”Shan. I need you to watch Piper so that I can clean diarrhea off the floor!” So he took Pipes and I went to get the cleaning supplies and honestly. I have cleaned a lot of nasty things in this world. Dead mice, moldy funk, poop, old pee…but having to wipe up diarrhea that has splattered onto the trash can, the wall, the wooden step stool, and the GD tile grout. That takes the cake.

Now Piper has the bad bottom but the older two are feeling fine and I can at least fulfill my function as caretaker to this sickened crew without keeling over and barfing. Not a bad monday, so far.

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06.19.08

TMI or Things only a girl has to deal with.

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:56 pm by Anne

getting all crazy

Originally uploaded by Dux

On my desk, standing up beside various books to read and articles to photocopy for friends, is an article. The title reads “Hair Removal Tips: at home bikini waxing tips and tricks”

Am I the only one whose razor blade cannot get close enough down there? Am I the only one who suffers from painful little bumps after attempting to repel the growth so that she doesn’t frighten the kiddies at the swimming pool? Am I the only one trying to scale back on needless purchases?

So I am going to try it. I. Am. Going. To. Try. It.

If any of you have experience with do-it-yourself bikini-line hair removal, email me or if you are brave, leave a comment. Right now I’m waiting for my mailman to bring me the goods. Stay tuned.

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06.17.08

bee leave me

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:39 am by Anne

bee leave

Originally uploaded by Dux

Yesterday I took the laundry basket chock-full of kiddie clothing upstairs with me. The girls were playing in one room, wreaking havoc in the subtle world of polly pockets. Well, the older ones were. Piper contentedly banged herself through the play-kitchen and surrounding accoutrements.

As I tediously began distributing the hellacious stack an idea crossed my mind. “Lily,” I began, “Here. Take these dresses of yours and hang them in the closet please.” I handed them off and watched her trot to the closet.

Not two seconds later she re-appeared. This was certainly not nearly enough time to tenderly hang her dresses in the closet.

“Lily!” I exclaimed. “I asked you to hang your dresses up!”

“ohhhh.” she answered. “I thought you said to throw them in the closet!”

Yeah. right, sister. Maybe your father would buy that dime store novel but not me.

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06.15.08

deliver me

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:06 pm by Anne

So I attended a neighborhood ‘happy hour’ on friday and Emma almost drowned.

There we were at a glorious swimming pool, in someone’s incredibly large and lush backyard…I nursed a cup of sangria and fed small bites of crackers and cheese and grapes to Piper while Lily and Emma splashed around in their coast guard approved life-vests. Sure they were the only ones in the pool with them since all the other kids know how to swim but what can I do?

Emma walks up and tells me she has to go potty so I take her vest off and she scrambles off with another mom to the bathroom. It was my fault that she didn’t come back to me to put it back on when she was done. Or/and it was my fault that I didn’t see her go into the pool without it.

At one point I and the other moms noticed a littlle kid bobbing in the water. I thought it was the homeowners child since I had seen her doing it from the get-go. It scared me early on until I could see she was a swimmer. But after a few seconds, and we were all still watching, the homeowner stood up. Walked over. And just dove into the pool to… pull Emma out.

It was completely horrifying. Emma spit out some water and had bluish lips for several minutes but she was, fortunately, just fine. Luckily. God had whispered in someone’s ear. Not mine, certainly, but someones.

And now we are qeued up to get emergency water training for all three girls.

You know, I am the only blogger I know who divulges all my screw-ups. That must be why you read me. It’s alright. I like you anyway.

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