05.28.08

birthday bullshite

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:02 am by Anne

french lavender

Originally uploaded by Dux

It is getting awful close to my birthday, or as I tend to see it, as that time of the year for devastating no-holds-barred introspection.

Am I doing all that I can do? (debatable)

Am I being the best mother to my children as possible? (unlikely)

Am I positive influence on those around me? Encouraging? Optimistic? Kind? Generous? (sometimes but not nearly often enough)

I do have a few more gray hairs. A few more cellulite bumps. And don’t even tell me that I’m going to have to begin trimming nose hairs because I don’t think my fragile emotional state could take that kind of a hit. But these are just superficials. Nothings.

So as I consider all the things I have not accomplished to date, all the plans I have not made, the goals not reached, I will also refocus on the now. The moment. That ever elusive sweet spot which more often than not becomes a melancholic past tense “Damn, I should have…” and allow it to crystalize into a “Wow. I’m so glad I …” instead.

Wish me luck, people. I’m going to be 35 on Saturday for crissakes!

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05.26.08

bathing suits

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:17 am by Anne

It is hot here and now. We took the girls swimming for the first time this season yesterday and it went over like gangbusters not only because they like the water but man. It is hot.

The other day we were in the car together and the topic of bathing suits came up.

Emma: You got me a new bathing suit!
Me: Yep. You outgrew your last one.
Emma: It has polka dots!
Me: uh-huh it sure does.
Emma: You got Lily a new bathing suit too!
Me: Yes, hers is a nice one-piece like yours.
Emma: (pause) What is your bathing suit?
Me: ummmmm.
Lily: You have a zucchini!
Me: I think you mean ‘bikini’ , hon.

So is that a zucchini in your bikini or are you just happy to see me?

Happy Memorial Day, ya’ll. It’s not perfect but this is a special country we are lucky to call our own.

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05.23.08

new day

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:03 am by Anne

alyssum

Originally uploaded by Dux

Lily finally kicked the virus’ ass. Her fever broke during a sensational movie (Raiders of the Lost Arc)and she turned into sweaty, clammy girl with a normal body temperature.

Just in time for the weekend!

I hate to admit that the fighting between the three girls slowed down to a dull background hum during this recent illness but I’ll take it over the freaky fever any day.

Let the bickering commence!

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05.22.08

summer fever

Posted in Uncategorized at 5:41 am by Anne

oh snap.

Originally uploaded by Dux

Today is the last day of school.

Emma is wearing her bathing suit for the beach party. She’ll play in the water with her class and eat pizza for lunch. And after that I get to join her for the end of the year icecream party.

And Lily? Oh, Lily.

Lily still has a fever. Lily has missed this entire week of school. Lily even missed her graduation ceremony. I don’t believe her *heart is broken over it but she is sad and she misses her friends.

I am sad because this illness doesn’t seem to want to go away and no matter what anyone ever tells you, the worst thing in the world is to have a sick child. We can make it up to her somehow, today is only a day, but if she doesn’t stop spiking the 104 fever (five days after starting it) sometime today then I am returning to the doctor’s office for another thorough examination.

Damn virus.

*scratch that…she has burst into tears three five times already since waking up. The poor thing. This can only mean one thing. Now I’ve got to plan a class party sometime this summer.

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05.20.08

Dad

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:54 am by Anne

rose water

Originally uploaded by Dux

Today marks another year of absence after losing my Dad 4 years ago. Sometimes I go to sleep at night, pleading to have a dream about him, just so that I can see him again. It never works that way. He’ll show up but I never know when.

One of my favorite memories is going home every Sunday for supper. (Shan got used to it quickly.) He often cooked on the weekend since he liked to do it and my Mom was happy to let him. In the summer months we regularly ate steak. I remember sitting at the table with freshly grilled steak (NY strip or porterhouse or filet), seasoned to perfection. We’d all fill our plates from an enormous salad splashed with his super-secret vinagrette, baked potatoes, a crisp baguette slathered in plenty of real butter, and the steak. He’d say, “Anne. Have some wine.” And I would. And we’d eat together, chit-chatting and enjoying the company.

Another thing I miss is being able to ask him questions. He was like having a wireless internet connection, especially when it concerned anything having to do with science or math or technology. And in the rare event that he really didn’t know, he’d tell me so. He was no bullshitter.

One thing my Dad could not abide, however, was sharing a glass…not with anyone. After a lengthy shopping trip to Central Market or Whole Foods in Austin, we’d come home to eat lunch. It was a given that he’d have a coke over ice and if my sister or I ever decided to take our life into our own hands by sneaking a sip of his, we’d always have to brace ourselves for the invariable thundering, “Get your dick-skinners off that!” I still hate that word.

I wish he was still here for many reasons, more than I can count, and I think about him every single day. I don’t think that will ever stop and I’m okay with it. I’ve lost my Dad; I can’t lose him again.

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05.19.08

Pipez

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:23 am by Anne

every last bit

Originally uploaded by Dux

All I can say is that she’s a girl after my own heart. Get it baby, eat it all up.

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Timing? what timing?

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:14 am by Anne

Yeah, this is the last week of preschool. It will be full of activities such as icecream parties, beach parties, classroom gifts, notes to teachers, and most importantly, the four-year-old graduation ceremony. They’ve been practicing for God’s sake!

Yesterday afternoon Lily crashed with a fever. Not a small, I’m-fighting-something, fever, but the kind of fever we watch closely. It got so high as 104.5F in the early evening, and she just laid on the couch watching cartoons and drinking gatorade while her sisters trampled toys and got dirty in the backyard. Last night was litttle improvement unless an improvement to some of you consists of throwing up all over her bed and floor.

This means no dance class tonight and possibly no graduation ceremony tomorrow. So wah! but then I have to get real about it, I mean…please. Little tykes getting ready to join the fold of kindergarten? Big deal, right? Isn’t highschool graduation and college graduation way more important and indicative of considerable accomplishment? Totally. I’m clicking over to that way of thinking now.

(unless she get’s better and can attend the ceremony. YAY!)

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05.18.08

Piper stats

Posted in Uncategorized at 5:29 pm by Anne

two gardenia blossoms

Originally uploaded by Dux

She is 16 months old and:

1) likes to climb. Scratch that. Loves to climb. I’ve found her sitting on the kitchen table five times in the past two weeks after someone (a sister) disasterously pulled a chair out to use and didn’t put it back in the Piper-proof manner.

2) has a few words: mama, (shrieking)MOMMY!, da-da, dee-dee(for her grandpa), dah-woo ( for darwin the dog), up, moh (more), and the new, old-standby NO!

3)can draw with sidewalk chalk (like her sisters, of course)

4)tries to brush her teeth (like her sisters) and has a tantrum when I take the gagging, choking hazard away.

5) when she does not get her way, bites and/or hits and/or throws a tantrum. (when the trifecta happens it is a sad, sad moment.)

6) manages to see things on the molecular level, and puts them all into her mouth. it rocks.

Remind me again how blessedly short this pain-in-the-ass time is because she cannot grow out of it soon enough. She probably thinks the same thing of me.

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05.13.08

reality-building

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:21 am by Anne

Emma’s grandfather spent some time with the girls yesterday and told me of a conversation he had with Emma.

Emma: Are you in a hurry?
Grandpa: No. Does it seeem like I am?
Emma: You are driving too fast.
Grandpa: Oh sorry Emma but I am driving the speed limit.
Emma: Well, you shouldn’t speed. Otherwise the police will stop you and you’ll get a ticket.
Grandpa: That can happen. Has it happened to you before?
Emma: No but it happened to Mommy. She was speeding and a policeman stopped her.
Grandpa: Did your Mommy get a ticket?
Emma: Yes, and then she called Uncle John and he shot the policeman who gave her the ticket. Then she and Uncle John got into the car together and they ran over the policeman.
Grandpa: Oh Emma, I don’t think that ever happened; your Mommy wouldn’t do that.
Emma: Yes she really did! I saw it! I really did!

This is why children make unreliable witnesses. I cannot tell you the number of times Emma tries to pull one over on me. I mean, come on Emma. I would never run over a police officer while another police officer was in the car with me! Get real.

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05.07.08

kindergarten horizon

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:11 pm by Anne

another spider on another daisy

Originally uploaded by Dux

Yesterday after filling out the packet of information, making copies of various certificates and shot records, Piper and I went to drop it all off at the elementary school Lily will attend this fall.

Deep down I am okay with her going to school. This is one of the best in our community(based on whatever standards the schools use in competing against each other), it is close to where we live, and Lily has a few friends her age that may wind up in class with her.

On one of the papers I was asked to list any concerns I may have about her in class and I drew a blank. She knows her letters, can spell a few words, is not far off from reading… I’m not worried about her intelligence or her abilities at all. But then I was struck with the sweetness quotient. Her niceness. Her desire to please and laugh with friends and make others happy and my heart was breaking as I wrote:

I am only concerned with Lily’s ability to deal with possible mean streaks of other children.

Because there are a few little hags in her preschool class right now, little princesses who at the tender age of five are flexing their iron fists and tossing barbs when they don’t get exactly what they want out of anyone. I’m all for assertiveness; I highly respect that quality, but I remember the mean girls too. Don’t you?

Be the spider on the pretty flower, Lilz.

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