08.30.07

flighty

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:08 am by Anne

flighty

Originally uploaded by Dux

Is it always a strange year? Last year we had no water and were experiencing a drought crisis. This year we’ve had plenty of rain, sometimes too much, but the crepe myrtles are suffering from some kind of freaky fungal attack that has stumped the botanists. Granted, it is much worse to have no water at all then to deal with some non-ornamental ornamentals but you get my point, right?

I skipped the gym again this morning. My mojo is under attack and Piper is the culprit. Her non-sleeping is killing me to the point where I dragass out of bed and pour two cups of italian coffee (almost as strong as esperesso but a low-rent version that doesn’t require a thousand dollar machine to produce the tonic) down my gullet each morning.It could be worse I suppose. I could have amoebic dysentary or false teeth or a ganglion.

Did I tell you I’ve signed up for a digital photography class at the local college? Don’t get your panties in a twist, it’s not for college credit or anything, but I will be getting out of the house once a week for three hours at a time sans children. It doesn’t start until the end of next month and it runs for 6 weeks or so. We’ll see. It will be interesting to see what other freaks and a-holes show up. I already know one of them.

Permalink 7 Comments

08.29.07

better yellows

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:57 pm by Anne

better yellows

Originally uploaded by Dux

i went back this afternoon and opened the aperture a bit. Maybe I should have gotten the Raid instead.

Permalink 3 Comments

slated for death

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:19 am by Anne

slated for death

Originally uploaded by Dux

My pup got into these bastards yesterday at dusk. I saw her wander into the great rosemary bush and then take off at a galloping sprint all the while shaking her poor snout and rubbing it with her front paws. My first thought was ‘I didn’t know we had a porcupine living in the backyard!’

You see, my last dog attacked a porcupine, like a damned fool idiot. Quills everywhere…and quills coming out for many years after the incident. That was in Idaho; I don’t even know if there are porcupines in Tejas. Maybe just armadillos.

As it is these fellows have an appointment with a can of Raid this afternoon. The Poor hateful bastards.

Permalink 4 Comments

08.27.07

raise your hand

Posted in Piper at 9:35 am by Anne

if you have ever been awakened in the wee hours to nurse your infant and found a slightly damp patch but rather than changing her jammies, you just convinced yourself they would air-dry fine by letting them be.

and so you know, i did get her a new diaper. just no new jams. sorry you are the third baby, Pipez.

Permalink 10 Comments

ambulance chaser

Posted in Parenting at 9:22 am by Anne

A few months ago, some neighbors up the street had an emergency. We heard the firetruck and saw them standing around in the front yard and Shan walked up to get the story. As it turned out, the Dad was practicing his golf swing when his young daughter got up behind him and was whalloped. So they called the paramedics. Thankfully the little girl was bruised but otherwise fine.

When I heard the story my first reaction was, “Wow. What freaks. They totally went overboard.”

Pan to yesterday. The girls and I rushed downstairs to retreive jellybeans but Em tripped. She tripped and bashed her head on a step and started crying the unearthly cry of actual pain and suffering. There was nothing contrived about it and when I bent to pick her up, I saw the beginnings of a tremendous goose-egg forming right above her eyebrow.

Shan and I sat down with her on the sofa where she continued to cry and cry and cry. We tried administering tylenol, giving apple juice, applying iced compresses…and all the while I was feeling myself wanting to lose it. I should have taken a photo of this bruise; it was very large and frightening to see all gray and puffy and really, it looked like half of a golfball was half protruding from her skull.

Long story short, now I can totally UNDERSTAND the impulse to call 911 when my child is hurt. There must be some relief in contacting ‘professionals’ in case (heaven forbid) something goes south. As it was, Shan and I watched her like a pair of overprotective hawks and wouldn’t let her sleep immediately, from all the peering of flashlights into her eyes.

I will never underestimate the power of parental fear again. And I have to add (thanks Babe) that Shan did call his gynecologist (my doctor he is pals with) to confirm we were looking for the right things and taking care of Emz appropriately.

Permalink 4 Comments

08.23.07

Texas Star Hibiscus

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:05 am by Anne

Texas Star Hibiscus

Originally uploaded by Dux

For BJ.

Permalink 3 Comments

toothsome

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:29 am by Anne

Yesterday I made it to the dentist. Well barely. See, the night before I played over at a friend’s house and when my alarm went off the following morning, I just turned the thing off completely as my head pounded too loudly and too painfully behind my eyes. A bit later, after carefully walking downstairs so as not to jiggle my head much, Shan commented ‘Don’t you have a dental appt in five minutes?’

shaz-bot.

How weird is it that MY HUSBAND called the office to say I’d be a few minutes late (actually 15). As I drove there I felt a little like an abashed twelve year old. Allow me to justify the call he made by pointing out he went there himself, most recently,that he was the one who scheduled my appt in the first place, and because he knows the head dentist better than I do since he built the dude’s house…but who am I kidding? I let my husband handle the interpersonal interaction because I was feeling a bit under the weather. Do you buy it yet? No? Ok, I let my husband call the dentist for me because I am a weenie sometimes.

There. I said it.

Is it any surprise to you that I may have chicken-shit tendencies from time to time?
Come on people. I’m working on it.

Fortunately for me, my teeth are in good shape even though it has been 4 years since my last cleaning. But you know what I hate? The smell of my own mouth as the hygienist scrapes and chisels and sucks away the tartar build-up. Stank-ass. The lightening sparks of pain as she digs around my gumline…that I can handle alright…but the stench of my mouth. It’s just nasty. Anyone else like the smell of their mouths? I’m just curious.

Permalink 4 Comments

08.20.07

big jump

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:26 pm by Anne

big jump

Originally uploaded by Dux

Things to consider when purchasing a trampoline:

1) size of your backyard and whether or not you own a dog that may deposit terds the mass of small hybrid cars all around it
2) ages of the children who will be jumping and whether or not they can stand the heat upon heat upon heat that will bake onto the vinyl surface during daylight hours
3)when to say when to that particular adult who insists on jumping after a few drinks, and who inadvertantly screeches to wake the dead right before landing on her ganglionized wrist. Oh yes, it serves her (me) right.
4) how many years will it add to the tired old demand ‘but we want a swimming pool!’

Permalink 6 Comments

08.14.07

To Whom it May Concern:

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:46 am by Anne

Dear Husband,
In the future when you wake before I do and feed the fruit of your loins (read: the children), please follow my instructions. They are not, under any circumstances, to receive Grape-Nuts cereal. Not ever, not no-how.
(Written this late morning, after a thorough kitchen and dining area sweeping and milk-wiping blitz-krieg which was decidedly uncool and very time-consuming.)
yours especially, A
**********************************************************************************************

Dear Piper,
If you please, would you consider getting back to your two-month old nighttime sleeping habits of a non-interrupted 9-hour chunk of sleeping? Please for the love of all that is holy in our celestial life. This ‘waking up four times a night to scream bloody murder is making me insane. More insane than usual.
your loving mother, A

**********************************************************************************************
Dear Emma,
I full well realize how difficult it is to be the middle child. Trust me on this. However, you are over 2 and 1/2 years old…really, closer to three, and it is time you stopped relying on diapers and pull-ups. Join the good fight. Just say no to diapers and yes to pony panties. And remember, there are jelly beans in it for you.
with love, A

***********************************************************************************************

Dear Lily, as a 4 1/2 year old with crazy long hair, I am putting in a request. Please let me brush it once in a while. You are too young for dred-locks but if you weren’t I still don’t think it would go over very well in preschool. Unless they played Bob Marley during recess…which they don’t.
Love, A

***********************************************************************************************

Dear Right Bosom,
I promise you, there will be no more nursing after Pipes. Honestly, I am done. I just need you to work with me for another six months or so and then you can retire permanently and fall back into your comfortable place of flabby indolence. I am asking you to stop resisting. Halt the insanity. Please give up the excruciating blocked ductwork and ever-threatening mastitis.
Your grateful servant, A

************************************************************************************************

Permalink 11 Comments

08.09.07

3 inches too tall

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:11 am by Anne

So we all went out to a really nice dinner last night. My favorite restaurant in town that just happens to be one of our first 4star establishments, it opened at least 8 years ago but my Mom had never been. Since she and my brother and SIL were all visiting, and since we’d finally found a babysitter, and since my Mom’s birthday was last sunday…what the hell, we made reservations.

Dinner was the end all be all and didn’t disappoint. It began with a creamy mushroom soup, stopped briefly at a field green and golden raisin salad with goat cheese, hovered briefly over fresh sourdough bread until reaching a crecendo of deliciousness with a king crab leg with a ramekin of drawn butter which shared a plate with its pristine lover, filet of beef. medium.

My only problem with the whole meal was that it was difficult to speak to everone at the table as much as I wanted to.

After moving my lips noiselessly yet insistently against my dark chocolate mousselike dessert and slinging back the rest of my coffee, I left for the bathroom when the least needed and most emabarrassing part of the night came to fruition. Remind me not to wear these 3 inch heeled shoes again, okay, because I just don’t wear them often enough to be safe. Just as I rounded the corner to head down the aisle to the restroom, my heel slipped ever so slighly which caused a chain reaction in slowmotion. It traveled up my leg, convinced my knee to buckle to the floor as my leg to slid out in front of me. It. Was. Awesome. And I know everyone thought I must have been hammered, especially the nearest waiter who lurched forward to try and help the poor drunken hussy.

I only wish I had been hammered instead of filled with the usual graceless mess of clumsy.

Permalink 8 Comments