04.29.07

dark lavender

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:47 am by Anne

dark lavender

Originally uploaded by Dux.

I took this last night at dusk. After photoshopping an interloper out, the mood it conveys just seemed appropriate to post.

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This afternoon Shan and I managed to become the worst parents in the world. I had just returned from a short walk up the street with all three girls and had stopped in the garage to talk to Shan. After few minutes I asked him, “Where is Emma?” Piper laid in my arms like a sack of potatoes and Lily was milling around but Emma was no where to be seen. I assumed she was in the house until Shan came outside with a bewildered expression. “She’s not in the house.” I ran down the back alley, remembering some people had passed walking their dog earlier. There they were, still walking their dog, but no Emma. A big red suburban drove past and for a flickering instant I wondered if my little girl was inside. The driver turned and smiled at me as he drove past. Then I spun around and ran back to the garage hoping Shan had found her. But he hadn’t and by now I was sick with fear. I ran through the back door calling her name, hoping she was just playing with ponies in the house someplace (sometimes they dont’ answer me right away), frantically trying to imagine where she could have gone in a matter of minutes, imagining the worst case scenario, plotting forward to life without my middle child, when Shan called out, “I found her!”

As my heart stopped beating out of my chest and my respiration slowed, I could set Piper down, and breathe. My arms were breaking, and there was Emma. She had apparently enjoyed our walk so much that she decided to go UP the alley. By herself. By herself, people!

The palapable fear that had only moments before rushed through my veins was replaced with exhaustion and relief. I sat on the floor with my daughters and hugged them as the words tumbled out. “You cannot just walk away from us ever, Emma. You have to always tell Mommy and Daddy where you want to go! You are too little.” Things like that. I caught my breath and tried to explain the importance but knew Emma was still too young to understand. Lily, at the ripe age of 4, more or less knows the rule. She can follow directions but Emma, not so much. This is why 2 and 3 year olds are so dangerous. They can do a lot more physically but you still cannot reason with them, necessarily.

Ever since yesterday when it happened, the thought of losing Emma has not left my mind. As I tried to fall asleep last night, memories of previous parental errors began filtering down…the time I set baby Lily on my desk without making sure the babybucket was level (She fell right off.), the time I was baking a cake for Lily’s birthday and Emma played at my feet (She reached BENEATH the oven to acquire third degree burns on her entire hand) etc, all of them near-misses. I used to look at parenting as a series of near misses but this last one is the biggest near miss of all. I cannot bear to imagine how Emma could have been hit by a car driving too fast down the alley, or picked up by a passing stranger with a dark and violent heart.

This was our one near-miss in the losing a child category and we handed in our one remaining ‘get out of jail free’ card. I cannot, will not, let it happen again.

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04.27.07

close columbine

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:24 am by Anne

close columbine

Originally uploaded by Dux.

Lily and Emma cannot leave my flowers alone. They play a game where they scoop up gravel and dirt into an available receptacle and pretend to prepare delicious foods (cakes, pies, etc). Emma will chant ” Make-Make-Make” while stirring it up. The finishing flourish nearly always consists of tossing some picked flowers in (roses, lavender, herbs, see picture, etc) the end. You know, for addditional flavor.

Yesterday Lily tramped into the house proudly showing off another columbine bloom. Thrilled, I was not but jumped on the photo op.

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04.26.07

oh mah gahhhhhhh

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:13 pm by Anne

Tuesday I got to shoot my very first real photograph…as in, someone actually hired me to take a picture of 120 employees, all at one time. Shan accompanied me, thank the Lord, because he. is.the.man.

There everyone was, lined up infront of the building, as we parked. “I think the scissor lift is way too close..it needs to be in the street.” I said…already sensing that the gig was hosed. We walked up and Shan got to fiddling with the scissorlift controls while I stood around trying to look like a photographer which means I most likely resembled a dweeb with bad hair. (I needed a haircut 3 weeks ago for crissakes.)

Then I climbed up the rickety, old and rusted, all metal clanky lift and got to join in the show we were putting on for everyone as Shan jerked the thing a few more times (to much laughter) before putting it to rest in the most perfect place. And I snapped away…

You may be wondering what I am charging these people for all this: bringing my handyman(Shan), finding a sitter for the girls (their grandparents came over), taking the picture, and finally photoshopping the HAIL out of said picture…but I decided not to. I know the president of the company, he’s a family friend, and a few years ago he totally replaced the A/C unit in our home for a good price not to mention he rigged A/C for Shan’s garage for pennies(handymen need air-cooled workrooms in the scorching heat of tejas.) Besides, it was a new thing for me and a good experience.

I spent as much time as I could using adobe photoshop yesterday before beginning to freak. Then Shan came home and again, saved the day. He’s been doing that alot for me lately, so much so that I thought, “Hmmph. He’s not so bad after all. Maybe I should tell him.” Then I promptly forgot.

And yet, there are still so many things I would like to blog about but this is the first time I’ve had a chance to sit at the computer with nothing else to do! Piper is sleeping, Emma is sleeping, Lily is in school for one more hour. I know my blog has kind of been sucking lately but I do appreciate ya’ll still checking in with me. It’ll get better, at least that is what I tell myself.

Finally, Anne tagged me so here I am responding at long last: Chinese Freeze Tag (ie 10 things about me)
1. I never used to blow my nose when there was crud in it…I only just learned to do it in the past 8 years or so.
2. The anniversary of my Dad’s death is less than a month away and I am beginning to dwell on it in my free time.
3. Sometimes I feel like my Dad is here, like his spirit is in the same room with me.
4. I have a cake pan addiction, as in, I buy cake pans up the yinyang. Right now I want this one.
5. Around 5PM I start losing it…my girls will tell you that I am prone to yelling at them more at that time of day than any other. It sucks and I am trying to stop doing that.
6. I am saving up for a new camera and this lens. It is going to be awhile, trust me. In the meantime I am trying to get better at taking pictures. I owe all of my photographic abilities to one girl.
7. I can’t wait to teach my girls mathematics and scientific principles.
8. We have new neighbors and are going to take them some sparkling wine and some roses from my garden soon. I’m a little nervous about it because I don’t want to come off like 1) a moron or 2) an asshole or 3) an insane hag. I used to be VERY friendly and personable but this has sadly changed over the years.
9. Billy Collins is my favorite poet.
10. I probably don’t give my family, my husband(who is a part of that family), or my friends all the credit that they deserve. Without them I would be nothing short of shit on a stick. I’m trying to be more vocal about how special they are but I get bogged down. These children fill my time like nothing ever has before.

I’ll tag the rest of you next time I think to. I’ve got the feed the Pipes.

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04.22.07

bees

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:42 pm by Anne

bees

Originally uploaded by Dux.

So I joined a few groups on flikr but the only people that look at my pictures are you guys, so eff them flikr folk. I’m not in the ‘in’ club..it’s funny. They are worse than bloggers in a sense…at least in blogland, there are always people trolling for new interesting content…I feel that on flikr, the only way you get feedback is if you kiss enough of the ‘right’ ass. Of course, it could just be that I’m feeling bitter about not getting any kind of feedback.

So, once again, screw those guys!

PS: I am still obsessed with bees. I keep hearing about a scourge going on and how honey production is dropping because the honey bee population is suffering from some unknown malady. Thankfully, they seem to be up to their old tricks here in Texas. At least so far.

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04.20.07

In case you were wondering…

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:54 pm by Anne

Iris’ Secret

Originally uploaded by Dux.

I am stuck in 100 mm macro lens world. And I like it here.

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04.19.07

posterior columbine

Posted in Uncategorized at 3:52 pm by Anne

posterior columbine

Originally uploaded by Dux.

It’s really sad that the state flower of Colorado, the columbine, will forever be associated with the school shootings for me. I’ve always loved the flower, it is so delicate and intricate, and astoundingly lovely…this is my first to come up this year.

Question: Do you think the number of selfish assholes in the world has increased over the years or do they just get better press coverage now so it seems like they are EVERYWHERE?

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incoming links

Posted in Parenting at 2:55 pm by Anne

Can someone please tell my how I wound up on a porn site called girls hunting girls? Maybe I am speaking a little out of my flabby behind, since I don’t really understand half of this internet stuff but with wordpress, I can see where people are coming from. You, you, you…and then someone from this porn site. Is it possible that it’s just a robot? It kind of weirds me out but then, it wouldn’t be blogland without a little discomfort now and again, would it?

In other news, Emma has had some of the rankest, slimiest poo for over a week. Yesterday I decided to start her on the BRATs diet…modified of course and I’m really hoping to see some changes from the really awful mucus-y trip to stank-onia complete with a one way ticket on the red-ass express. If it’s not allergies, or viruses, or food-borne illness, or just the run of the mill bacterial infection going on at my house this spring, well…I might just enjoy the weather too much. And that’s just too much to ask I guess.

At least Piper finally pooped. She’d been holding out for a few days. It worried me a little but then, the other two girls pulled the exact same stunt when they were infants so I wasn’t ready to call the doctor quite yet. We were visiting my sister when she let fly with a sudden burst of baby stench and her own personal kind of pasty business. Thanks for all the hustle and papertowels, Aunt Ba-baaa!

Those little kidders. They really ought to grow up.

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04.17.07

unfurling dianthus

Posted in Uncategorized at 3:19 pm by Anne

dianthus unfurl

Originally uploaded by Dux.

I love it when flowers come back. Our winter was not bad enough to kill a whole lot but I am very surprised that last summer’s severe drought didn’t either. Spring is so here!

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04.13.07

Friday the 13th

Posted in marriage at 11:12 am by Anne

Here is how life changes. In case you were wondering.

It is friday the 13th. I used to think about the lame-assed slasher flick when this day came up…later, I associated it with the execution of the Knights Templar, and now? Now when I see that it is coming up, I remember that one fateful evening in Austin Texas. I was waiting tables at the Boar’s Head Bar (which has changed names at least three times since then) on the outside patio and some handsome fellow asked to borrow my pen. That, of course, was when I crossed paths with my Shan; the beginning of the end of my life as a single, happy-go-lucky, college girl who smoked, drank, played pool and flirted shamelessly into the wee hours of the morning.

We dated a year or so, got engaged, and a few months later were married and moved up to north Texas with a brand new puppy. We celebrated Friday the 13ths even during that difficult first year together and intermittently up until Lily was born. Then, less so when Emma was born, and tonight? Tonight we are having some cousins over for a steak dinner. Their cildren will play with ours and while tucking into my ancho-rubbed tenderloin steak and roasted sweet potatoes, I’ll glance over at Shan and smile at the good fortune that brought us together in the first place.