03.28.07

note to the mister

Posted in marriage at 2:14 pm by Anne

On the off-chance that we ever have that slight amorous feeling SIMULTANEOUSLY again, and the girls are sleeping, in order to stay in the moment I suggest neither one of us engage in any of the following actions.

Do not:

1) spend more than a minute or two deciding on which room
2) lock any baby gates
3) brush your teeth
4) water pik your teeth
5) press on your spouse’s upset stomach with all of your weight while falling into bed
6)leave the tv on while Bill Engvall is doing his routine; it’s just not sexy.

I should have known that the moment was lost when he was water-piking his teeth although it wasn’t totally gone until I pressed on his stomach. whoops. damn gravity.

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03.25.07

not just wal-mart

Posted in Parenting at 3:01 pm by Anne

So I learned today that Wal-mart does not have the copyright on assholed-ness. Shan suggested the family load up and head over to Home Depot for a few bedding plants. Since I am big into flowers I thought it was a great idea. WRONG. It was a piss-poor idea from the get-go. Taking a rambunctious 4 year old, a sleepy 2 year old, and a 7 week old to such a crowded place is never going to be a good idea.

Shan had a cart, I had a cart, and the older girls played musical carts. “I want to be with Mommy.” ” I want to sit under the cart.” “I want to walk with you.” blablablabla…and of course I didn’t have anything in my purse to bribe them with. At one point Shan left me with the three kids (don’t even ask me how that happened) and I was having to corral Lily and Emma who were walking beside me. Walking? Hell. It was more like chaotic meandering. We gradually made it out of the aisle but not before Lily knocked into a man who was considering which type of lighbulb would fit most comfortably up his ass. “Excuse us, I’m sorry…” I smiled at him, expecting him to sympathize or at least to understand the situation. But no. That was too much to expect from a fellow person on a damned Sunday afternoon. He glared at Lily right off the bat and while I apologised profusely he glared at me without speaking a single word.

Then Shan walked up and we made our way to the checkout.

Here is the thing. I don’t give a rat’s ass that the highly put-out little man glared at me but that he could muster such anger at my Lily…about shot my blood pressure through the roof. I honestly wanted to kick that dude in the nuts but perhaps I should just take it easy and realize that he is probably profoundly unhappy and wish him a happier life.

Nah.

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03.22.07

Just when you thought it was safe

Posted in Uncategorized at 5:49 pm by Anne

So you know I belong to a local ‘Mother’s of Preschoolers’ group, right? Did you also know that it is a Christian-based organization? (for crying out loud we meet at a church) Well, it is. And I am fine with that. Those of you who know me by now also know that I believe in God, although I do not subscribe to any particular denomination, nor do I attend church regularly.

Today I was on the tail end of a batch email from someone in the group. Batch emails often piss me off but I’ve gotten pretty used to them since joining MOPS and this one was actually on the interesting side. Rather than cutting and pasting the whole thing into my blog, I’m listing it for you here. Doesn’t it remind you of that introduction to Buddhism you got in highschool and or in college? Unfortunately, the very first response to the woman who sent this batch email was ” I thought MOPS was a Christian organization.”

How crappy is that?

So I wrote back to everyone on the batch email, ” Neat. I like this.”

Why is it that some people who belong to a particular group feel like all other groups are the shits? This isn’t just a ‘religious’ problem, I’ve run into plenty of people who think their occupation is the best or that their city is the best or that their shoes are the best….come on. Grow up. Variety is the spice of life after all and all the ass-hats make things so much more complicated and so much less enjoyable. Bottom line? Life is too short to behave like a fucking moron who is stuck in the highschool realm of self-loathing and low self-esteem and who want to bring everyone down with them to that pus-filled, stinking abyss. You know who you are. And we know who you are.

We graduated for a reason. Move along people, move along.

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03.21.07

Please pay no attention to the man behind the little door

Posted in Parenting at 8:39 am by Anne

who is holding that damn little sign showing how long it has been since I last posted. Things have been happening here! Ok, well…nothing blogworthy really, but I’ve just been scrambling all over the place. Then I tried to get up and pretend what life will be like when my Mom isn’t here…lunches had been made the night before, the girls had picked out their clothing the night before, I woke up early thanks to an alarm clock…and although the experiment began well, and with the best of intentions, my failure to communicate basically started another world war. That’s right. I pulled one of the most sacred of feminine wiles and aimed my loose cannon straight at Shan’s chest when I decided he wasn’t helping me with the kids enough but expected him to know how apeshit it was making me.

In his defense, he isn’t a mind reader yet (even after 10 years), and I hadn’t told him about my “plan” to ready enerything as if Gramma wasn’t around to run interference, so I caused a very unpleasant morning atmosphere yesterday.

Shit happens. And it will happen again.

Don’t look at me like that, ya’ll. I did call him back a few hours later and apologise. a lot.

Also in news, we started back to the gym on monday. Holy freaking hell. I must have been gone from it for three months because everything I attempted was met with agonizing resistance, much internal embarrassment and personal strife. I became winded almost immediately on my old evil friend, the elliptical machine. And my leg muscles (a generous term here) petered out and turned to water just by looking at the weight machines. But Day 2, yesterday, was much better. We’ll see how tomorrow goes.

Somebody explain Piper’s sleeping habits to me. Starting around 8 or 9 at night, she wakes up every two hours. Then sometime in early morning, the wee painful hours, she will give me that excellent block of 4-5 hours. I don’t understand it, I do appreciate it, but I really would prefer that block to happen earlier in the evening. Any hints? And don’t say Babywise Barbara! Pipes still has a few more weeks before I lower that boom.

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03.16.07

Freakonomics

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:22 am by Anne

Many thanks to Cecily for showing me this blog. I don’t have an inordinate amount of time to leaf through their archives at present but I do appreciate the most recent two entries. Check it out! The one about perscription meds and their prices is pretty interesting but I also found the other one charming. He asks what kind of people comment on blogs and when I checked out the commenters, I ran into this gem:

15 Mar 2007 at 8:55 am # furiousball

Many bloggers comment to get comments. Many also comment to connect with people. The undying need to be loved is strong with the blogging community.

I’m not saying this person is completely and totally right but definitely not far from the mark. Blogging opens this world to agreement and congratulations and support (even if it is only imagined) but I don’t think that is wrong or even bad. Besides, there are always plenty of crazy people to even things out. My question to myself is this, when I refer to crazy people do I really mean assholes? hmmmmm.

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03.15.07

question

Posted in Parenting at 9:13 am by Anne

Yesterday while I sat with Piper in my arms, Lily looked at me and while jabbing an index finger at Piper asked, “Mommy, when you die can I have that baby?”

Wha? I remember saying things like that to my own Mom when I was 7 or 8 but it usually had to do with her jewelry or other non-living things.

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03.12.07

oh. whoops.

Posted in Parenting at 3:22 pm by Anne

Last night after a full day of trying out the new smoker bbq (a different story) on some baby back ribs and all the appropriate sides, I went with Shan to calm the girls down and help them get to sleep. Lily dropped off almost right away but Emma was a struggle. While Mom held Piper downstairs, I spent at least a half hour coaxing Em to be quiet long enough to let sleep take her. It finally took hold though and without getting into the nitty gritty details (you don’t want them and I surely don’t need to share them) Shan and I basically had a conjugal visit.

As many of you already know that can be a difficult thing once you have children and especially when you have an infant. Finding the time and jumping on opportune moments can be sketchy, tedious, dull and not to mention few and far between but having my Mom downstairs with the baby gave us that chance. Once it was over I dressed and headed back to the babyworld I habitate.

There they were, Mom and Piper, on the couch. Mom was asleep and Piper was swaddled and nestled in her arms breathing deeply. I thought it would be clever if I didn’t wake anyone up and because there is never a shortage of laundry to wash, fold, and put away, I started folding towels. Not long after my Mom woke up. “Wow. Emma took FOREVER to get to sleep.” I told her, feeling like I had to explain like a dumbass. Then we said our goodnights and I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth and whatnot.

As a flipped on the light and glanced in the mirror. There it was. Guilt. Written all over me. While pulling my pajamas on in the dark, I had failed to note that they were actually inside out.

Nice one.

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03.11.07

Daylight Horseshit

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:30 am by Anne

Surely *I* am not the only person in the world who is NOT in favor of more congressional meddling but changing Daylight Saving Time? Come on people. This was signed into law just so the freaking energy department can do a study? Please. Maybe next time a law can be signed so that Christmas falls at least once a month. Maybe they can squeeze a few more hours into each day? Extend the length of an hour by 15 minutes?

Fucking morons. Just when the bureaucratic bullshit slips out of view momentarily it makes a terrifying comeback. Somebody stop the insanity.

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03.10.07

A lot like Hell.

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:54 pm by Anne

Itinerary snap-shot

2 AM: Piper wakes up downstairs.
2:02: Piper nurses.
2:05: (the sound of little feet running back and forth upstairs makes me curious.)
2:30 I go upstairs and learn Emma has thrown up big chunks and laid in it before waking up. (When she did wake up in her own putrescence, she ran to our bed and woke up Shan. Poor Shan. He has a very low tolerance for bile but he managed to strip her soiled bed and the wet jammies. Then he gave her a bath to wash out the stink, and cozied her back in bed. All this as I nursed.) I lay down with her and Dad for awhile.
2:45 I go back downstairs to check on Piper.
3:AM (more sounds of feet running across the floor upstairs leads me to believe Emma is having a bad morning.)
3:05 I go back upstairs to check on Emma and Daddy. They are in the same positions on the bed except that Emma has a new towel in front of her and the old one is soiled and laying on the floor. I see if they need anything and go back downstairs.
5AM: Piper wakes up.
5: 02 Piper nurses and we both go to sleep until 8:30.

This sleeping in separate parts of the house sucks for many reasons, the main one being that Shan and I are apart but the close behind second reason has to do with times like these. That said, however, I think it was good for Shan to have to deal with a pukey baby by himself. I know it sucks ass and it is difficult and stinky and sad and sleepless but it’s still important for him to know.

After Piper and I had gotten up, I went to sit on the couch with Emma while Lily ate her breakfast. Actually, Shan was sitting with Emma and I sat nearby with Piper, while Em mewled piteously that her stomach hurt. Who knows what bug she got yesterday but by 10AM she was still throwing up…all the food was long since emptied so she was only able to bring up foul yellowish water, while crying through her tears. I got a taste of helplessness, just watching Shan holding her as she cried. The mother inside me wanting to step in but unable to since I was holding the Pipes, and Piper needs to be away from this nasty illness.

Parenthood. Plenty of the old yin and yang going on.

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03.07.07

Here’s What I’m Going to Do:

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:43 am by Anne

Yesterday while feeding the baby inthe early afternoon I came across Dr. Andrew Weil on the tube. He was lecturing a group of busybodies (mostly older women) all about the importance of living the lifestyle he lives and for the most part, it is pretty sensible. Of course you need to drink lots of water, of course you should stay away from pesticides, of course you should take supplements…etc ad infinutum. I stayed with him long enough to learn about a website that compiled a list of the ‘dirtiest’ fruits and vegetals (as far as pesticide load) around. And I printed the list out.

It’s a little frightening to consider. Especially since I buy grapes, lots and lots of grapes. and strawberries too. and spinach, good lord we are spinach eaters…and APPLES!

Last night Mom and I took the girls to Super Tarjay to pick up a few things. Lily and Emma acted like heathens (they were tired) and Piper slept (she was getting hungry) while I perused the organic produce selection. Whole Foods, it ain’t, but you really cannot shake a stick at their offerings. And for the most part, the organic vittles weren’t extraordinarily expensive. Definitely more costly but not necessarily cost-prohibitive…unless you count the small, shriveled up strawberries, that ran about 5 bucks for a half-pint. Please. I don’t plan on going totally organic because we simply can’t do that right now but I can make cuts here and there to afford better foods…especially the worst culprits. Apples. Unbelievable.

addendum: So I did a little research on the group who came up with this list. WHAT THE FREAK? So basically it boils down to we cannot trust anything or anyone. All we can do is follow the money trail. This is even more depressing than the pesticides in our food. Bottom line: People suck.

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