11.30.06

oh sheezus

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:05 am by Anne

One thing that is even more annoying than the idiotic emails from babycenter.com are the emails I get from Victoria’s Secret on a weekly basis. Come on! One, I don’t need to see any toned super impossibly perfect and beautiful models to remind me of my personal gargantuan beluga whale state and two, I surely don’t want to see them strutting around in their red satin Christmas panties. Please. VS should hone in on the maternity underwear market….the iceholes!

Get this: Right after posting yesterday about throwing a baby shower, I got an email from my friend and she asked if I’d like her to throw a party. She doesn’t read my blog so it was kinda uncanny. Then I got a bitch out email from Cecily later that evening (while she visited she talked with my Mom about that very thing albeit secretly from me.), so basically these things just prove beyond a wrinkle of a doubt that I am and ever shall be a horses ass. Who knew?

Thanks for all your advice and suggestions, ya’ll!

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11.29.06

new specs for the pregnant ho-bag

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:01 am by Anne

So on my one day off of the week yesterday I went to the local eyeglasses shop and picked out two pairs. I had a coupon but it still wound up being out of this world expensive and the very worst part is this: when I went back to pick them up, and brought them home, I realized the frames were TOO EFFING BIG for my face! (How I wish my cousin lived closer!)

I am not going to blame the woman who basically took my money, I think she is just new to the world of eyeglass hawking, but it does piss me off that I didn’t even think about getting a second opinion at the time. I just handed the frames to her and she tallied up the hideous expense and I went back home on my weary bloated irritated hormonal way.

In a few hours I will be taking them back to the store and hopefully meeting my husband there so that he can help me pick out some frames that actually make me look mildly decent. I don’t expect perfection or beauty but if I can keep from looking like a geriatric computer nerd, that’ll do. And I’m really hoping there won’t be any kind of fight from the actual store itself. I saw a sign that said they had a 60 day satisfaction guaranty on all their products. Plus, they kept my eyeglass perscription!

You’ll be the first to know, I promise.
zzzZZZZzzzzzzz.

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Baby showers

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:35 am by Anne

Since no one I know has offered up the notion of throwing a baby shower for Piper, I feel like putting a little something together on my own. Nothing big and extravagant, no games and prizes, and good heavens, no pressure to buy gifts. I am not registering anywhere.

Amongst the various books and magazine articles we learn about the two camps: the first which believes there should only be one baby shower(for the first child) and the second which sees a new baby as a reason to celebrate. I suppose the main factor involved with the former group is the gift giving. People give and give and give and really, how many showers does one woman need after haing a couple kids? Again, I am underlining this: It is not about the presents. I just like a party and this morning I started feeling a little sad for Piper who is third in line and more likely to get the hand-me-downs, fewer pictures taken, no memory book…yaddida yaddida yaddida…the least I can do is make sure there is some kind of party thrown in her honor, just like her sisters before her, right?

Everything about it will be atypical though, I think. Any of you blokes have any ideas? I don’t know if I’ll have the wherewithall to put a luncheon together but maybe a dessert party. Hmmmmmmmm. What do ya’ll think?

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11.27.06

Complete and Total Insanity

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:22 pm by Anne

So today I decided to try and take the girl’s annual Christmas Card photo. Someone needs to remind an effed up, emotionally challenged, non-patient FREAK that trying to do this was a bad idea. Lily is my princess camera model. She knows what to do and for the most part will sit and smile when I ask her to. This is not the case with Emma. Not by a long shot. Even with the promise of candy bribe, hell, I promised birthday cake, it was not to be. Of over 300 pictures, the only one that has any slight promise consists of a perfect Lily as Emma smiles while looking off into the distant cosmos about a foot to the right of my camera lens. I was *this* close to killing something and I’m sure the next door neighbors thought a lunatic was on the loose but eff them…unless they know how I can take a picture of the girls that is card-worthy.

If this is any indication of how difficult the holidays are going to be this year; I am completely screwed.

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11.26.06

116456654047255635

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:42 pm by Anne

Emma’s 2nd Birthday Cake 

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whew

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:23 pm by Anne

After a whirlwind last 5 days of constant baking, cooking, preparing, decorating, preparing, entertaining, hosting, and picture-taking…oh yeah, and eating, things have finally gotten back to normal. I finished the antibiotics but this phlegmy bullshit will probably stick around for another month. Claritin-D is my new best friend (Sorry Cecily.)

All in all, with a few minor exceptions, this has been one of the best Thanksgiving holidays to date. And I have to add, Happy Birthday to Emma! Her second year on this earth was commemorated shortly after 10 this morning but since her joint birthday party (with her greatgranny) was yesterday we have nothing planned today but to maybe put up holiday gear. And you know what else? I have no birthday presents to give her. Since she doesn’t have any kind of expectations concerning gifts anyway,and to speak nothing of the loot she received yesterday, I’m running with the idea that this doesn’t in fact make me a bad mom. So unless you agree, I ask you not to break any unseemly news to her by stating otherwise. Besides, you should see the cake I baked! That should count for something.

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11.22.06

Just to be clear

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:11 am by Anne

I would like to state for the record how tired I am of finding a diaper in the washing machine AFTER a load has already been washed.

Come on Emma. Diapers go in the trash, not the laundry hamper. Work with me here.

PS Doc gave me some azithromycin for my otitis media and told me i could take narcotics for my sore throat. yay narcotics!

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11.21.06

on notice

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:11 am by Anne

Dear blogsters,
I have not been reading your blogs lately because for the past five says I’ve been fighting a GD cold from hell. Hopefully after today’s appt. I will be put onto some hardcore antibiotics that will lick this frakking illness so that I can still work on the post thanksgiving thanksgiving feast for the 20-30 people that will be arriving at my house.

Once I start feeling better, I will get back to my old bloggy ways. Thanks for understanding. and Happy Turkey Day!

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11.20.06

The Mouse Chronicles

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:28 am by Anne

I posted a while back about a certain pestilential rodent living in our house. That despite our greatest efforts, it took over two weeks for us to capture him (and it only happened when Shan walked into the pantry, witnessed his blatant scurrying around, and began tossing glue traps at it until he got stuck.) We thought our troubles were over until last week.

After leaving some homemade bread sitting out on the counter (wrapped)following a trip to the gym, I found the bag gnawed through a such a tremendous lump chewed out that it seemed like a ferret has been at it. Images of a mouse or mice romping across my countertops was too much to bear not to mention I had been PLANNING ON EATING some toast and one does not trifle with a pregnant woman’s dinner menu.

Shan broke out the real traps and slapped a little gouda cheese on each one. The next morning my mother and I woke up finding all the cheese gone and none of the lever traps tripped. So the next night Shan tried again with peanut butter, believing that PB would require more movement and the little bastards would be caught. No such luck. I found two traps thoroughly licked clean and a third trap whose lever had been engaged safely, and then licked clean. These mice were obviously pros.

Finally, yesterday Shan went to the hardware store and came home with some rat sized glue traps. I am not so impressed with the glue trap and these didn’t encourage me ‘ any more than the last ‘peanut-butter-scented ones’ despite their being coated with chloroform-like fumes that would supposedly ‘knock-out’ a rodent as soon as his little paws became stuck. I was impressed with the new leer action traps, however, and Shan assured me that they were trigger happy.

And he was right. This morning I woke up and found a little field mouse caught in the hair-trigger trap, obviously dead. The question is: why am I so sad for the little fellow? Their droppings infuriate me. I see them only as carriers of the black plague or the Hanta virus. And yet, I feel guilty walking into the kitchen and seeing a forlorn little shell of a mouse who will never get to snack on our upcoming Thanksgiving crumbs.

It’s either us or them, I guess.

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11.17.06

Why is it…

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:06 am by Anne

the very first thing out of my mother’s mouth when she arrived last night was ‘Oh Anne! You are so big now! You were so slim the last time I saw you!”

Yeah. That was 7 months ago and I wasn’t pregnant.

sheezus.

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