03.28.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 4:25 pm by Anne
So for the past month or so I’ve been waking up at 2 AM. almost exactly 2 AM. for seemingly no good reason. My eyes will just snap open and there I am…in the dark, next to the snoozing husband, hearing the really super annoying sounds of the dripping humidifier, but now wide the hell awake.
I’ll lay there for awhile, sometimes I’ll get up to visit the bathroom. sometimes I’ll have a long drink of water, but mostly I just lay there and try to figure out why I am awake at 2AM and contemplate relaxing because in a few short hours all the girls will be awake and clamoring for the whole wide world to do their bidding.
Last night I remember partially waking up to the sound of a small animal making baby noises. I didn’t completely wake up because it didn’t appear serious, I guess. Then, seemingly moments later (keep in mind, this is dream time we are talking about, who knows what ‘real time’ was), I woke completely up to the sound of tiny feet pounding over my head, from one end of the house to the other.
I jumped out of bed, grabbed my phone (for light), and started upsatirs. The baby gate was locked but even before opening it, I saw that Piper’s light was on. this was creepy, since I put her down with the light most distinctly OUT. Creepier still was seeing Piper running at me. Creepy because she does not know how to undo the zipper on her cribtent ergo someone or something had to have let her out. and, need I say, turned on the dang light when I put her down for the night!
So there I was, holding Piper with adrenaline flowing though my body. I glanced into her room, which by now looked eerie to me in the glare of her bedroom light, and then I walked over to Lily and Emma’s room. Lily and Emma were both sleeping in their own beds and I was just about ready to chalk it all up to a ghostly visitation when I saw Emma’s eyes open.
“Mama;” she said. “Piper kept crying for you and I couldn’t sleep.”
“Did you turn her light on, honey?” I asked walking over to sit on her bed and smooth her hair.
“Yes.” she said flatly.
“Did you zip her out of her crib?”
“Yes.” she affirmed.
So I tucked her back into bed and kissed her goodnight. and I walked downstairs with Piper who by now was refusing her crib.
sigh. At least it wasn’t a ghost. right? Now if I could just stop waking up at 2AM.
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03.16.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 9:36 pm by Anne
She is full of things.
Emz: Can I have some wine? i love wine. I think it is great. Wine is for adults so I LOVE IT!
Emz: Where do we go when we die? Is God there? Who else do we know is with God? What will it be like when we go to God?
Emz: no, I don’t want to go to the doctor. I don’t want any shots. Let Piper go. she can get a new webkin.
Little did I know that my screen saver was creating a problem. Look. Lily is the oldest. As a result, I felt like she had the most representation via photographs strewn thru the house. So in a response to that coverage, I placed a shot of Emma on my computer screens. Months ago. Tonight, after the girls had their baths, Shan whispered in my ear “Lily is sensitive to the fact that you have a picture of Emma on your computer monitor.”
So great. So I went and changed it to a picture of Lily.
When do I need to change it to a shot of Piper?
zzzZZZZzzzz. This is some difficult and tricky business having three kids. not that I would change anything for a minute.
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02.18.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 12:55 pm by Anne
Every other week I help out at Lily’s lunchtime. you may already know this, I get extra napkins and sporks…open ketchup packets and string cheese, whatever. And of course, since the class consists of 18 kids, I also try to keep them focused on eating which is not a small feat with 6 year olds, boys, especially.
They tumble out of chairs, and tease each other, they want to chase or pretend or exclude…so some of what I do then is police patrol. I dry tears, demand apologies, point out trash that needs to be picked up, etc.
A few weeks ago the boys were laughing and giggling and grinning about the notion of ‘boyfriends and girlfriends’ and I felt it was my obligation to clear the air. I casually sat down in the middle of the group and began, “You know, I have friends that are girls and I have friends that are boys…” The kids raised their eyebrows. ” Since they are all friends of mine, it is okay for me to refer to them simply as boyriends and girlfriends…do you understand what I am telling you?”
The head boy, a nice kid who is repeating kindergarden this school year(he is not a slow kid maybe just a bit rambunctious), nodded and looked at me with his large blue eyes. He said,” My Mom and Dad broke up because my Mom has a boyfriend.”
So, of course, I changed the subject.
This week, the boys were causing a ruckus in the lunchroom. That same boy with the big blue eyes had somehow reduced the toughest girl in class to tears in addition to another little boy across the lunch table from him. It was a two-for-one special I guess. So I sat down and sternly talked with the child about how I had every right to demote his behavior from the color blue(the best) all the way down to red(which generally means a visit to the principal). I decribed how it’s not kind to say hurtful things, how these are your classmates, etc blablabla, don’t be hateful, lalala…during which a different boy piped up declaring, “Andy is crying like a little baby!” And off I went on a different tangent. “Now Oscar, babies may cry but so does everyone. It’s okay to cry when one is sad, in fact I cried just last week. Everyone cries sometimes not just babies.”
Blue eyed boy got my attention again. He was agreeing with me and said,” My Daddy cried after my Mom lied to him.”
Oh boy.
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02.13.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 1:52 pm by Anne
Yesterday was a big day. There were Valentines to address, a ’star of the week’ poster to finish (for Lilz), marinara sauce to cook, a house to scour, and errands upon errands upon errands. We picked up Emma from a friend’s house, after nabbing Lily from school, and then rushed home to change into ballet gear(where is that damn leotard!), and breezed to class a few minutes late. It was one of those days of too much to accomplish and too little time, ie normal life. Sadly, things didn’t change much in the evening and I was a little iriritated to miss the gym.
Lily had trouble focusing during ballet, which reinforced plans of the summer recital as being her final performance. Then dance was over but followed by a Valentine exchange (it never even OCCURRED to me to bring any there)…! We got home in time for a quick dinner which was followed by bath time…then Lily had to read to me and choose clothing for today. Then the poster was mostly completed and Lily was out for the count, joining her sister Pipez. But because of an unscheduled Emma nap(she missed supper), Emma was bright eyed and bushy-tailed and chatting my ear off.
She asked for her leftover peanut butter crackers. and I gave them to her. Along with another glass of ice water. I walked into the laundry room and Emma followed like a little puppy. I put two baskets overflowing with clothing on the floor and began the tedious process of folding and separating. She helped by pulling out and folding (-ish) her clothes. When that was done, she put the finishing touches (stickers) all over the poster for Lily. Next I helped Emma string candies on a necklace with the promise that she could wear it in the morning. We were getting things done.
Finally it was time for bed. I held her hand and walked up the stairs. I kissed her goodnight and reminded her what a great day today would be and she laid down. As I left the room Emma called out, “Mama…” “Yes, baby?’ I stopped and turned. She was sitting up in bed and she said, “Mama, my favorite part of the day was eating my peanut butter and crackers…and folding laundry with you… and making my candy necklace.”
Again I was struck by the needs of my middle child. Little things. Small things. Precious things. If I only took the time more often maybe I could avoid the heart pangs.
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02.05.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 8:01 pm by Anne
I just have to get this out. A few minutes ago Emma turned to me and said,
“Mama. When you die, I am going to marry Daddy.”
great kid…just great.
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01.29.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 3:03 pm by Anne
Piper will be tuning two in just a few weeks. (I know. Where has the time gone?) She has started potty training, all by herself, and pees at least once a day in the potty but more often 3-4 times. This has been going on for a few weeks. In fact, she all started the last time I was on the phone with Cecily. We cheered. I still cheer. I am a huge Piper-fan.
She has a really sweet smile, and grin, and laugh…and when those huge, luminous eyes fixate on you, you’ve had it. I mean, really…she is incredible. That is, until you don’t give her what she wants. Or you tell her ‘no baby, you may not stand on the table and kick your sister in the face.’ Or, when you take away the diaper ointment that she’s squeezed out all over her hands, the counter, including the dog. Because at this point, she turns into babyHate.
She screams, and cries, and occasionally bites but the worst is the noise. Honestly, I am ready to start drinking Jack Daniels straight from the bottle, no matter the time of day, when she turns up the noise. People may call me during one of these episodes and they always exclaim “Who *is* that? Is that Emma yelling?” “No.” I have to add…”It’s Piper.” No one expects that beautiful, cherubic, good-natured child to be the now shrieking demon making them deaf, unless they’ve been a witness to it.
Sometimes I have to walk away for a quick phone call…or Shan has to work…you might think that walking away might help but it doesn’t. Not really. The little heathen just follows you, screaming her terrible scream, all red in the face with big tears rolling down her cheeks. Sometimes the only sanctuary is outside…but you always know she is on the other side of the door…since she’ll bang on it. There is no escaping the wrath of Piper.
Lily and Emma, of course, often come to her rescue. They are the biggest enablers around. “Mommy.” Lily will begin, “Wy don’t you just __________…so she will stop crying.” At moments like that I take Lily’s hand in mine, amidst the hellish cacophony and I tell her, “Lily, there is no rush, not ever…but I will so happily remind you of this one day… when you have children of your own.”
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01.06.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 10:21 am by Anne
Once we overcome the shock and awe of pregnancy that third time, once we got into the ceaseless rhythm of life with another infant, once the baby days were behind us and we were firmly entrenched in the most wicked “Toddler Years”, I realized that I never looked at any of it (this time) as something to enjoy. It was difficult work and with Piper so much moreso because of her two needy siblings; it was always something to get through, to move past. “Come on, baby, GROW!”
Lately, as she approaches her second birthday, I have been experiencing second thoughts and twinges of regret. The “I can’t BELIEVE I have ANOTHER baby!” has morphed very gently to “Wow. I can’t believe this is my last baby.”
I hold her at night longer than usual when she wakes up cring now. I rock her back and forth in her room, taking in the solitude and the comfort of that warm and cozy place, and pat her soft little flannel-footed-jammied backside…sometimes I sing but mostly I hum. and I listen to her breathe. My God. I attempt to really appreciate this fleeting time because I know it won’t be long at all before she is scrabbling for all things Hannah Montana and racing with her pals down the street.
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01.02.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 12:02 pm by Anne
Lily and Emma are excellent big sisters to Piper. I’ve noticed this lately, especially when Piper howls over any given injustice. This morning Piper howled at Emma near the breakfast table. Emma glanced at Piper standing on the floor, picked up her own toast and juice, and moved over to the next nearest chair. This allowed Piper to sit at the table too.
A few moments later Piper was howling again. I had taken her empty sippee cup and placed it in the sink…which was apparently very insulting to her. She screamed at me and yelled “No!” as I worked in the kitchen. “Use words, honey.” (It is a very common phrase for me.) But the girl is stubborn. She continued the noisefactory and stumbled over to the sofa where Lily was trying to watch Sesame Street. Lily got down and softly said “Come here, Piper…” and then held her baby sister in her arms. The crying stopped and Lily’s eyes were closed while her arms wrapped around Piper so sweetly.
Some days having three girls is just perfection.
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11.07.08
Posted in Uncategorized at 4:24 am by Anne
Santa Fe, NM hollyhock
Originally uploaded by Dux
I know about being left out of things. Maybe everyone does. How silly is it to be affected by something you didn’t care to attend in the first place?
For example:
Emma’s class has ten children. This past weekend, one of the girls had a birthday party and 8 of those kids were invited. Emma and another little girl were not.
It’s not as if I have a strong relationship with the Mom, or the child for that matter. To be honest, the few times I’ve seen the little girl in action, I thought she was a little B. She and Emma lock horns since Emma won’t be pushed around. (I admire this in Emma. Her assertiveness will serve her well.)
So okay, no big deal, right? Who cares? Before I even knew about this minor infraction and was making an invite list to Emma’s upcoming party, I asked her who she would like to invite and that little girl didn’t make the cut.
4 year old’s can make the call about who they want at their party, right? But I still feel slightly sad for Em. (Thankfully Emma doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the whole thing.) Who in their right mind wouldn’t like her? She is so awesome!
Is this why I have insomnia at 3:30 in the morning? Who knows? What’s more, who cares?!
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11.02.08
Posted in Uncategorized at 3:46 pm by Anne
pinkiepie
Originally uploaded by Dux
Just when you thought you could relax a little…I mean, Piper doesn’t put non-food items that could become choking hazards into her mouth anymore…that was a big hurdle to overcome. (Bring out the Polly Pockets toys!)
Yet again, Shan and I learned that Piper still cannot be trusted.
Today while I was reading up on histograms (pages and pages over the internet basically all saying the same thing) and as Shan half-snoozed, half-watched Harry Potter (the best movie to put on when you don’t know what movie to put on) with the girls, Piper decided to get into trouble.
Out of nowhere I heard her begin to wail, then Shan’s exclamations, and ran in to find them at the kitchen sink. Piper had slathered liquid handsoap from the bathroom all over her arms, neck, hair, and face…especially her eyes and was rubbing her soapy knuckles into her eyes making everything worse. I picked her up and started dousing her face with water, Shan grabbed a towel and wiped the slick goo off her face. It was awful. (thank goodness they don’t make soap with lye anymore. )
So we are back to keeping all non-necessary rooms closed off. At least for, what, another three years?
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